


nervous conditions

by byeolbit



Series: small towns, faded dreams [1]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, I wrote this for myself but y'all can read it I guess, Implied Cheating, M/M, Romance, contains description of sex, inspired by my angst playlist that has been on repeat for days now, other VIXX members have minor roles, trigger warning for use of cigarettes and smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:08:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22303138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/byeolbit/pseuds/byeolbit
Summary: Hakyeon doesn’t know what will kill him faster, the slowly burning cigarette hanging off his lips or the way Jaehwan’s roguish smile makes his heartbeat erratic.
Relationships: Cha Hakyeon | N/Lee Jaehwan | Ken
Series: small towns, faded dreams [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1605397
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	nervous conditions

**Author's Note:**

> [Reading playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1MzF9Vy3AwB93VCfgdguDz?si=izvFC0imREWzE05H2sdbWw)

Hakyeon wipes down glasses as he watches the patrons of the diner engage in small talk within their respective companies. It’s a boring sort of night and he has no entertainment save people watching. The jukebox has long broken down and people have given up shoving quarters in or kicking the defunct machine in order to get it to work. 

The jukebox joins the ranks of the bumbling ceiling fans, peeling yellow wallpaper, the cooler they used to use in summer and the burned out letter E in the glowing neon sign on top of the diner. It’s symbolic of the people here. The boredom and routine eats away at the inside of a person’s soul, leaving them broken and in need of repair.

Things weren’t always this bad at the diner. Once upon a time, the wallpaper was fresh and the establishment was lively, coffee and beer free flowing for patrons. The wallpaper was an electric blue and red with posters of famous bands on the walls and their respective songs on the jukebox. But then the owner cheated on his wife and disappeared instead of facing the consequences. When the ownership passed on, so did the will to look after the place.

Over time this reflects in the reduced patronage. Hakyeon half suspects that most of the people who come in either come in for nostalgia or have no other cheaper alternatives. The second reason is more plausible. Life in the diner is stagnant now. Hakyeon himself is here only till he finds better fare. He’s ready to blow this joint the first chance he gets. Till then he puts his head down, makes drinks and wipes down washed glasses.

The night starts as dull as every other night does. The evening staff takes over from the afternoon staff and the dinner rush starts up and subsides and the night grows old in silence and loneliness. Hakyeon counts down time left till he can clock out on the yellowing wall clock on top of the entrance to the kitchens.

With ten minutes to his break, a young man enters the diner. Dressed in a vintage brown leather jacket and acid washed denims, he shouldn’t look as attractive as he does. But there is something about the way his lips curl up and eyes wrinkle and shine. 

Hakyeon looks over to the counter to see if Hongbin is around but the younger man hasn’t returned from his break. With a huff, Hakyeon walks over to the part of the counter by which the new man takes up entrance. Hakyeon notes at people turning to glance at him but it doesn’t seem to bother him as he flips through the menu.

“Hi, can I get you something?” Hakyeon asks, tapping a pencil on the notepad he is carrying to note orders on.

“A chicken schnitzel and chips combo and a beer to go with it please” the man says. He squints to read the name on Hakyeon’s nametag and pronounces it wrong.

“It’s Hakyeon” Hakyeon corrects him.

“Sorry” he apologises sheepishly. Up close his eye wrinkles are more dangerous than they should be and Hakyeon tries not to sigh on sight.

“It’s alright… uh?” Hakyeon probes, hoping for a name. 

“Jaehwan” he replies and Hakyeon nods.

“Coming right up Jaehwan” Hakyeon tells him as he scribbles the order on the notepad before pushing it into the front pocket of the apron he is wearing. He smiles his best customer service smile at Jaehwan before walking through the kitchens. He passes the order to Taekwoon and waits at the service counter.

“Hyung do you want to take your break now?” Hongbin asks, finally back and ready to take over the bar and dining counters. 

“I’ll take one in ten or so” Hakyeon waves him off. There aren’t many people here tonight. Hakyeon takes that as a blessing and uses the time to study Jaehwan.

He watches Jaehwan look around at everything curiously. He looks at the menu and the posters on the wall before trying to peek out of the windows and make out shapes in the dim street light. He must be new to the town, Hakyeon reasons to be this amazed at the sight of their small and ordinary diner. 

The old broken jukebox catches Jaehwan’s eye who looks around before sliding off his seat and walking over. Hakyeon is bemused when he watches Jaehwan fiddle with the machine. The display lights up before dying out and the younger hits the side. It doesn’t help as anyone else here would tell him but he spends a good minute on it before returning to his earlier seat. 

He bears the frown even till Hakyeon comes over with his order, the chicken sizzling and oil popping due to the high temperature. He waits till Hakyeon pops open his beer and places it in front of him to ask, “Does the jukebox not work anymore?”

“It’s been a while since it stopped working” he tells him.

“That’s a shame” Jaehwan replies. For a moment Hakyeon feels just as sad. It’s a novelty to see someone specifically request for it.

“You don’t come here often do you?” Hakyeon asks, leaning over the counter. The surface is greasy and sticky with the diluted soap solution used to wipe it down between customers but Hakyeon has no particular love for the sleeves of his uniform shirt.

“I’m only here for a while” Jaehwan admits. “Took up lodging at the inn across the road.”

“Shangri La” Hakyeon recalls the name of the dingy motel that stands across the road. Hakyeon sees it every night as he walks home. There is a steady stream of hookers who wait outside for customers by the bus stop near it and the motel makes quick money from these engagements.

“It isn’t as heavenly as the name promises, I’ll tell you that” Jaehwan says gruffly. He breaks into the schnitzel with a fork and pops the piece into his mouth.

“There have been more respectable establishments” Hakyeon agrees.

“It was a good price for a broke writer. I even bargained” Jaehwan confides in him, almost proud of the fact. Hakyeon finds himself smiling affectionately while also shaking his head. Bargained price or not, it’s a terrible deal but he can’t fault the man for making the best of his situation.

“So what do you write?” Hakyeon asks, now using idle excuses to continue the conversation and stay by Jaehwan’s side. He glances over to check if Hongbin has everything covered but it is a half hearted glance and his focus remains on the person in front of him.

“Nothing published yet. I’m a writer in name and name alone” Jaehwan admits.

“What brings you here then?” Hakyeon asks curiously. “In search of inspiration for the story that is your big break?”

“Something like that” Jaehwan concedes. 

Hakyeon pulls over the tissue holder and Jaehwan thanks him as he pulls a few out. He puts a spare one down as a coaster for the beer that is starting to grow warmer and wet on the outside from the condensation. Hakyeon notes the tiny detail but files it away as an inconsequential point about Jaehwan that he doesn’t really need to remember but will.

“Tough luck on that. There isn’t much to be found in a down on its luck diner like this” he tells him.

“You’d be surprised” Jaehwan insists.

“Like I said, tough luck. Even our jukebox doesn’t work” Hakyeon says, gesturing to the vague machine. Jaehwan laughs and continues to smile at Hakyeon even after his laughter subsides.

“What about you?” Jaehwan asks. Hakyeon hums inquisitively at him in response as he pulls a chair to sit on. He put his hands on the table and his head on his hand and waits for Jaehwan to elaborate.

“What’s a pretty boy like you doing in a place like this, doll face?” Jaehwan asks in his best imitation of a noir movie hero. Hakyeon rolls his eyes at the cheesy question but plays along anyways.

“What can I say doll face, even pretty boys are down on their luck some times” he replies. Jaehwan grins at him and finishes the rest of the beer. Hakyeon unashamedly watches the way his neck muscles move as he gulps and takes in Jaehwan’s body proportions. Jaehwan watches him look but says nothing about it, catching his eye and then holding his gaze. They stare at each other for a long lasting moment and Jaehwan is the first to pull away.

He puts the cutlery on the plate and pushes the used beer bottle forward and Hakyeon takes the cue to get back to the rest of his boring night.

“How much do I owe for the meal?” Jaehwan asks, pulling his wallet out. Hakyeon calls for Hongbin to ring up the order since he is nearer to the cash register. Hongbin gives him a look but doesn’t say anything. Jaehwan walks over and pays prompting Hongbin to greet him good night and ask him to come again. He smiles at Hongbin before turning to look at Hakyeon again.

“I’ll see you around pretty boy” Jaehwan says before tipping his head and leaving. 

“Pretty boy?” Hongbin asks, raising his eyebrows very judgmentally at Hakyeon. Hakyeon waves it off. Jaehwan is a pretty distraction but not one Hakyeon expects will last long. And if he looks forward to tomorrow to see if he is right or wrong, he doesn’t let Hongbin know.

-

Hakyeon doesn't run into Jaehwan at the diner but in the back alley of Shangri La. It's during his break and Hakyeon sneaks across the road to get away from the couple making out in the alley behind the diner. He isn't a voyeur and he doesn't fancy ever being one.

It has been a few days since the first time Jaehwan walked into his diner. Hakyeon has gone through the cycle of anticipation, disappointment, overthinking and finally settled at the stage of feigned nonchalance. So he lights up a cigarette and pretends not to immediately recognize Jaehwan's voice when a silhouette emerges from the back door.

"I would have told you about the trip if you had some god-damned free time between your high society brunches" he hissed. 

Hakyeon is slightly taken back by the aggressive tone and considers slipping away into the darkness while his presence isn't noticed. Jaehwan is on the phone and hasn't noticed he has company yet. Hakyeon is less and less inclined to enlightenment with every passing moment.

"No, I didn't mean to start a fight. I'm sorry" Jaehwan apologizes. His voice is quieter and more subdued and Hakyeon doesn't catch what he says next. But the longing which adorns his features as Jaehwan gazes at his phone after ending his call is hard to mistake for anything else.

"Relationship troubles?" Hakyeon asks, hoping he is smoother on the outside than he sounds in his own head.

"Pretty boy" Jaehwan says, realizing he has company. He puts his phone away and puts a smile on. Hakyeon recognizes the customer service quality but for the sake of the other man says nothing about it.

"Got a spare?" Jaehwan asks, walking up to Hakyeon. 

Hakyeon pulls out a cigarette from the stash in his coat pocket and a lighter from another and hands it over to Jaehwan. Jaehwan lights up the cigarette as he leans against the wall next to where Hakyeon stands.

"What's a pretty boy like you doing in a place like this?" he asks Hakyeon as he returns his lighter and Hakyeon laughs.

"Did you already forget my name?" he asks playfully.

"I haven't" Jaehwan grins in reply. "Hakyeon. I don't forget pretty people easily you know?"

"How very generous of you" Hakyeon replies. He notes how Jaehwan isn't wearing a jacket and just simple slippers. It looks like Jaehwan didn't intend on going outside tonight but Hakyeon is glad for the company.

"I didn't see you at the diner again" Hakyeon says casually. 

He hasn't been waiting for Jaehwan (he really isn't) but then again there isn't much that happens so aberrations stick out. Hakyeon finds it funny that he uses the concept of novelty to justify his curiosity about Jaehwan. 

"I've been spending my nights writing and days sleeping" Jaehwan tells him. He taps the cigarette twice to let the ashes fall and then follows it with his gaze.

"For your novel? So you found the inspiration you were looking for?" Hakyeon asks curiously.

"Something like that" Jaehwan says, looking back up at Hakyeon. His smile supports the suggestive implication that his gaze implies.

Hakyeon doesn’t know what will kill him faster, the slowly burning cigarette hanging off his lips or the way Jaehwan’s roguish smile makes his heartbeat erratic.

"Something like that" Hakyeon repeats to himself. The smoke from his cigarette fades to nothingness in the night air and the glowing ember aligns with the malfunctioning neon sign of the diner. He's well beyond his time limit for a break.

"What does a down on their luck man do for cheap thrills here?" Jaehwan asks him.

"What kind of cheap thrills are you looking for?" Hakyeon asks idly. He can dilly dally for a while more. Hongbin and Taekwoon will cover for him. They will pester him for details at worst but he can always nag them back about the secretive looks they share that they think he doesn't notice.

"Anything really. I need to get out of that tiny motel room" Jaehwan sighs. Hakyeon thinks for a while before speaking up. There isn't much to do here. Hakyeon calls it a deadbeat neighborhood for a reason. But a few things come to his mind.

"Meet me at the motel entrance at 7 on Saturday" Hakyeon tells him.

"Are you going to tell me where we're going?" Jaehwan asks. He's amused by the sudden energy that Hakyeon gains. 

"No" Hakyeon says playfully. "Just trust me on this."

Jaehwan doesn't know what the plan is but Hakyeon's enthusiasm is infectious. He decides to indulge him this time around and nods in response.

-

Jaehwan idly rocks back and forth on his heels. The sun has begun it's descent to the horizon and bathes the surroundings in a dull golden glow. The hustle and bustle of people picks up as the heat of the afternoon ebbs away.

The sight of a motorbike pulling up and stopping in front of him makes him raise his eyebrow. It's Hakyeon and Jaehwan finds himself surprised. 

"I thought pretty boys were too prim and proper to be riding motorcycles" he teases.

"Not this pretty boy" Hakyeon says, throwing Jaehwan the extra helmet that had been strapped to the backseat.

"I'm being whisked off into the unknown by a handsome bad boy. How romantic. Do you happen to have tattoos too?" Jaehwan asks, swinging a leg around the bike to settle behind Hakyeon. He's skinny, he notes as he puts his arm around his waist and the leather of their jackets squeak on friction.

"You'll have to find out by yourself" Hakyeon tells him.

"Are you sure you want to challenge me? I get competitive" Jaehwan warns him.

"I'll take my chances" Hakyeon shrugs. Jaehwan hums in response and tightens his grip around Hakyeon's waist. At first he intended to maintain a respectful distance but now he has a challenge to win. He takes pride in the way Hakyeon's hand falters before he grips the handle firmly.

"Ready to go?" Hakyeon asks and he nods before verbally answering in the positive. Hakyeon takes off, driving down the narrow lanes till they hit the wide city roads. 

Jaehwan takes in the cityline. The high rises are sequestered in a specific area and they breach the five storey high skyline of the rest of the city. They take the highway bridge and the metro line runs along the bridge before diverging. The packed coaches contrast the free highway that then opens up to the suburbs on the other side. 

The buildings give way to sparse houses spread out across fields. In the distance, the sea sparkles dark blue and golden. As they near the pier, the sound of the waves increases, growing louder than the sound of the engine.

"I didn't know we were this close to the sea" Jaehwan says, getting off Hakyeon's bike so he can park.

"You asked me where the cool kids go. The answer is that we get out as often as we can" Hakyeon tells him. He straps their helmets to either side of the back seat and locks them for good measure. 

They walk along the promenade, passing shops and restaurants set up in shacks. Hakyeon points out the different regional specialities of cuisine on the menus displayed outside and it makes Jaehwan's mouth water.

They pick up two bottles of apple cider from one of the shacks and walk till they reach the point where the promenade ends and gives way to the beach and the pier that extends to the sea. Beyond the pier lies a mini carnival with small prop up stores and a mini ferris wheel for children.

"How good is your aim?" Hakyeon asks, gesturing to a shooting range with prices on display.

"A teddy bear isn't enough to tempt me" Jaehwan scoffs.

"So it's terrible" Hakyeon concludes and drags him over anyways. Jaehwan protests but Hakyeon silences him by telling him that it isn't for him. Hakyeon wants to try his hand at winning the ridiculously floppy bear and Jaehwan is merely here for moral support.

Hakyeon's aim is much better than his. His first shot is slightly off the target but the second and third at very close to the target, making the score eligible for the price. The man running the store sullenly hands over the floppy teddy bear and Hakyeon grins from ear to ear.

They try their hand at various games and probably spend close to an hour and all their spare change at the claw machine trying to pick up a Pokemon toy. The way Jaehwan's eyebrows furrow in concentration are hot to Hakyeon and more often than not, he finds himself staring at them.

They skip eating at a shack, snacking on street food between games. They spend the last of his loose change at a still display, prompting the performer to dance before becoming exceptionally still again. 

Before Jaehwan realizes, the clock hits midnight and the carnival starts winding down. They sit by the pier, legs swinging over the edge and watching the lights go out slowly till only the street lamps remain. The dimming makes the stars in the sky clearer and Hakyeon lies down on his back to watch them. He uses the teddy bear he won earlier as a pillow and Jaehwan chuckles to himself.

"Are you in a hurry to go back?" Hakyeon asks when Jaehwan picks up his phone and begins typing. 

"Not really. Nothing to go back to" Jaehwan replies without looking at Hakyeon. This entire setting gives him ideas that he saves on his phone app before the thoughts and sentences fade from his mind.

"Right" Hakyeon says, going back to staring at the sky. He wishes he had something cold and alcoholic to go along with the view. He opts for a cigarette instead. He looks to Jaehwan to see if he wants one as well but Jaehwan is engrossed in whatever he is typing.

A few moments later, Jaehwan sides up next to him, phone away and head on the part of the teddy bear that sticks out. Their faces are very close but the lack of space is intimate and comfortable.

"Your phone is ringing" Hakyeon tells him, feeling the vibration in his jacket across the wooden panels beneath them.

"It's no one important" Jaehwan dismisses. Hakyeon hums and turns to fully face Jaehwan. He places his hand in the space between them and relaxes. The street light falling partially across his face make him glow golden. The moonlight lights up Jaehwan's face in the shadow and makes him shine silver, complementing him.

Jaehwan puts his hand gently on top of Hakyeon's. His fingers are lean and slender and Jaehwan traces their outline and goes down his palm to his hand and it gives Hakyeon goosebumps. Jaehwan plays with the hem of his jacket before letting his hand fall off.

Jaehwan leans in and Hakyeon meets him half way. Jaehwan's lips are as soft as they are plump and Hakyeon doesn't hesitate to kiss him more. Nothing about this is soft and slow, all desperation and need breaking through. Jaehwan hooks his leg over Hakyeon's and pulls him closer, causing him to gasp breathlessly. 

When he pulls away, Hakyeon takes a deep breath and chases. He kisses Jaehwan on his neck and sucks a hickey. Jaehwan's moans are a melody he wants to hear more of and so he kisses him even more. His hands snake up under his t-shirt to hold his waist and Jaehwan holds him by his neck as he shudders.

The forgotten cigarette has completely burnt out, leaving a mark on the wooden panel. The street light flickers and Hakyeon breaks the silence to ask "your place or mine?"

"Whichever is closer" Jaehwan urges, kissing him on his jaw. Hakyeon steals a last kiss before getting up and dusting himself off.

-

"Have I told you how pretty you are?" Jaehwan asks, with his hand resting on the dip just above Hakyeon's hips. Hakyeon has his one and only tattoo there - sprig of lavender flowers that were tattooed on long ago and have since faded in color.

"A few times already" Hakyeon laughs. Jaehwan's touch is gentle and pleasant his hands are softer than they should be. The skin on his fingertips is papery in texture and he likes the way they feel against his skin.

"You should be told that again and again. Words aren't enough to do it justice" Jaehwan says. His conviction almost makes Hakyeon believe it, his own insecurities forgotten. Jaehwan makes him feel beautiful and for one night, that's a good departure from loneliness.

"Your phone keeps buzzing. Are you sure you don't want to answer it?" Hakyeon asks as they take a moment to catch their breath. 

"Like I said, no one important" Jaehwan tells him. He puts his phone face down and lets it ring till it finally falls silent. After three calls, the caller takes the hint and stops calling. 

When it finally falls silent, Jaehwan picks it up again and puts music on. It's an indie song that Hakyeon has never heard but the mellow beat is soporific. The exhaustion after the long day causes him to drift off and he falls asleep to Jaehwan idly carding his fingers through his hair.

When Hakyeon wakes, the lights are off and the only source of light is the window to the balcony. The sky outside is a faint dark blue. An indication that Dawn will break soon. He watches Jaehwan standing in the balcony, smoking and leaning against the railing.

He's on his phone and his expression is stoic. Hakyeon takes a deep breath and turns over to the other side so that he doesn't have to see it. 

A part of him already knows but for a while he doesn't have to admit it to himself. The fancy jackets and shoes, the high quality paper that sits next to the typewriter on the desk and the branded luggage stowed away in the corner are beyond what a struggling writer can afford. The calls that Jaehwan never wants to answer in front of him and the faraway look he gets in his eye every time the phone rings. Hakyeon isn't a fool.

However, when the call ends and Jaehwan comes back inside, he lets him put his arm around his waist and kiss his neck slowly. When Jaehwan asks if he is awake he replies in the positive and lets Jaehwan kiss down his back and let his hands wander.

When morning comes, the illusion will shatter. Hakyeon isn't in a hurry to throw stones at the flimsy glass window.

-

Hakyeon finds that it's much easier to live in a world of fantasy than it is to confront and accept reality. 

Jaehwan frequents the diner for dinner every night. It doesn't take long for Hongbin to catch on to the fact that the attention is reciprocated. He doesn't approve but he knows not to meddle. Taekwoon doesn't say anything about it but Hakyeon catches him looking their way every now and then in case he needs to intervene.

What they don't know is that the trysts don't end with the dinner conversations. For multiple times in the two weeks since the first night, Hakyeon finds himself in bed with Jaehwan in his tiny motel room.

Jaehwan is a gentle lover. For every rough tug or forceful thrust, there are equally sweet words whispered in his ears. Jaehwan praises him to the point where Hakyeon thinks it's a kink that Jaehwan left to be inferred. 

In return, Hakyeon gives him the brazen roughness he craves. If Hakyeon had a penny for the number of times that he has blushed - thinking of how Jaehwan looks with his hands tied up above his head, lips apart and gasping for air as Hakyeon's hands go where he shouldn't - he would be a very rich man indeed.

The delicate balance between them exists and simultaneously doesn't. Their desire for each other breaks all floodgates as it pours out in loving kisses and roving hands. But the voice in the back of Hakyeon's head doesn't shut up, constantly reminding him that this cannot and will not last.

There is a marked difference between anticipation of an event and living through its occurrence. Hakyeon and Jaehwan sit in the balcony, sharing the last remaining cigarette from Hakyeon's stash. The diner is visible from their vantage point and the neon red from the sign colors everything in their view.

"For someone who smokes so much, how come you don't even own a lighter?" Hakyeon asks.

"My… no one really approves of me smoking back home" Jaehwan tells him. 

"So this was a vacation from the goodie two shoes life? A shady motel, cigarette smoke and terrible 80s music instead of some cool indie albums?"

"Hey! Those are classics! You have no taste"

"Forgive me if I am tired of listening to the same set of ten songs on the jukebox for years" Hakyeon protests. He scoffs in the direction of the neon sign before taking the cigarette back from his lover.

"Do you think they'll ever fix it?" Jaehwan asks curiously.

"Maybe, maybe not. No one is particularly invested in it. No one cares" Hakyeon shrugs.

"That's a very bleak outlook on life" Jaehwan says. Hakyeon leans on the railing and doesn't reply. Jaehwan looks in his general direction, flicking the dust off his shorts.

"You know, my novel is almost complete" Jaehwan tells him. "Well the first draft of it anyways. It's a hot pile of garbage."

"You never told me what it's about" Hakyeon says. 

"Just… people. Places and things. Nothing and everything" Jaehwan says vaguely. He doesn't say anymore and Hakyeon doesn't prod. He remembers Jaehwan slaving away over his typewriter for hours, typing, scratching and retyping pages upon pages.

"Does this mean you will go back home now?" Hakyeon asks. The neon sign flickers and the lack of uncertainty on Jaehwan's face is what hurts Hakyeon the most.

"When?" he follows up and Jaehwan smiles regretfully. 

"The day after tomorrow. I booked the train tickets this morning" Jaehwan tells him. Hakyeon swallows when he realizes that Jaehwan's mind is made up. There's nothing he can say to change it. He doesn't even know what to say if he had to.

"I should go" Hakyeon says standing up. It's the only alternative that makes any sense. Jaehwan starts and calls after him but he doesn't heed it. He heads in and picks up his coat and phone.

"Hakyeon" Jaehwan says, reaching out and holding on to the sleeve of his shirt. Hakyeon is almost out the door but he stops at the threshold.

"Jaehwan" Hakyeon says firmly and his tone makes Jaehwan drop his hand. "It had to end some time. It might as well be tonight."

"I didn't mean to hurt you" Jaehwan speaks up. His voice is sincere and Hakyeon is almost swayed by it.

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions" Hakyeon recites the parable. Jaehwan did not mean to hurt him and he didn't intend on getting hurt. Yet here they are, standing so close but far apart from each other. On one side of this door is guilty indulgence and on the other, the painful but pragmatic solution to his guilt.

They stand like this for a while before Hakyeon steps out of the door. He walks straight ahead, not apologizing to the woman he bumps into on the stairwell and out across the street, back into the diner he left just a few hours ago.

Jaehwan might have been a riveting departure from the grim reality he lives in. But the fantasy is ending and it's time he went back.

When the next night comes, Jaehwan doesn't return to the diner. Nor does he visit on the nights after. When Hakyeon looks out if the window during his break, the balcony he sat on with Jaehwan is occupied by other strangers taking their own smoking break.

The diner's neon sign flickers out and a small child walks up to the jukebox. The machine swallows the coin and whirs to life again before dying. The child frowns but ultimately goes back to his parents and rejoins the excited chatter, all thoughts about the machine forgotten.

Hakyeon goes back to his chores too.

-

**Author's Note:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/starryfics1?s=09) | [Tumblr](https://vixxscifiwritings.tumblr.com) | [CuriousCat](https://curiouscat.me/poojamk15)


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